Johann Gambolputty… …von Hautkopft of Ulm

As many know, I like classical music, particularly Ludwig von Beethoven.

Well, I recently discovered this little-known German composer:

Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern -schplenden -schlitter -crasscrenbon -fried -digger -dangle -dungle -burstein -von -knacker -thrasher -apple -banger -horowitz -ticolensic -grander -knotty -spelltinkle -grandlich -grumblemeyer -spelterwasser -kürstlich -himbleeisen -bahnwagen -gutenabend -bitte -eine -nürnburger -bratwustle -gerspurten -mit -zweimache -luber -hundsfut -gumberaber -shönendanker -kalbsfleisch -mittler -raucher von Hautkopft of Ulm. Continue reading Johann Gambolputty… …von Hautkopft of Ulm

The Funniest Joke In The World

“Wenn ist das Nunstuck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!”

 

“It was actually German gibberish,” Eric Idle explains. “It’s written-down gibberish, because we all had to learn the same thing, yeah, but it’s gibberish! It doesn’t mean a thing at all. At least, I don’t think it does…”

Actually, some of it is legit… Below is my attempt at translation. Continue reading The Funniest Joke In The World

I’m not in KS (I mean CO) anymore

Last night it felt like I wasn’t in Kansas anymore… I mean, Colorado.

I’ve been house- and dog-sitting for my mom & step dad, and last night was pretty stormy, causing our psychotic dogs to go more nuts than usual because of the thunder. I eventually crated my parent’s two small dogs, and got my old-man doggy to lie down and relax enough that I too managed to fall asleep — for all of an hour.

I was startled awake at midnight by what my mind first said was an air raid. Then I realized it was tornado warning sirens. Continue reading I’m not in KS (I mean CO) anymore

The Crapper Yapper Drug Thug

Strange, gross, but true:

So, I go to use the john at a large retailer of Chinese junk. Some guy comes in behind me, and we each go to neighboring stalls to do our business. While he’s about that and making appropriate noises from his back side, it’s clear he has taken out his cell phone and begins to yap while he craps. If that weren’t bad enough, what does he choose to talk about?

Here’s an exact quote:

“Hey, dude. I was wondering how much it would cost for a ‘P’?”

I guess if you have the gall to make a phone call while you’re doing your business, it doesn’t phase you to discuss small-time illegal drug deals while a stranger sits in the next stall. With all the noise he was making from his other end, he even had to raise his voice and repeat his inquiry on the current price of a pound of dope.

The devolution of the species continues at an alarming rate.